my oil field man.

Rugged hands , the smell of 12 hours of work 

Caress my check … Dancing me into consciousness.

Yet I’ve never felt anything so soft. 

A simple smile. A simple man. 

Greets me from slumber. 

To the rest of the world , he comes off hard and tough. 

But never has anyone treated me so gently , looked at me so lovingly or held me so tenderly . 

A part of me leaves with him every two weeks. Like the mud stuck on his boots. 

As he leaves a trail of hardended muck… As if he too is leaving a part of his soul. Every step another little piece breaks off. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen here and like this yet every day I walk into an empty cold house. Deflated without the warmth of his smile. And I know this was supposed to happen like this right now. 

Forever.

“Just smile.. Just smile”

Waking up at 22. Thinking you should have known it all.. Okay maybe a little more than you did a year ago … Okay maybe just a little hint. But knowing basically nothing was not expected. I was supposed to be like my Barbies: hot, graduated, ring on the sacred finger , Ken cooking breakfast as I worked on my next article and maybe even the cooing sounds of a new life laying next to me. 

But no im 22, laying in my bed at my nanas house , still trying to get through the first 2 years of college , while coaching a group of highschool  girls that look at me like I’ve got it all figured out.

About 5 months ago I decided to move to a 8,500 person town from the busy city of Los Angeles, after my nana had a heart artck and stints puts into her heart. 

No Ken, no ring , but I do have the most amazing woman teaching me how to make fried chicken, fried okra, friend zucchini, well anything fried really. Which let me tell you my gut isn’t too happy about or my thighs. 

So just smile. Just one life lesson my nana has taught me , just smile. You are gonna have to get through it one way or another.. So you may as well just smile. She told me one afternoon as I complained about everything I could think of, with a girlish smile and a wave of her hand. Just smile. 

So as the sunset on the ridge, infront of my nana’s porch, I soaked in the orange and yellow sunrays the universe was blessing us with that evening and …. I smiled.